Traditionally, classy means to be stylish and elegant; respectable and lovely. However, I find the traditional definition and ideas of how to be classy can be slightly limiting, depending on how you interpret it.
So let’s re-define classy in a better way: a genuine, feminine and high quality woman who holds herself and thinks of herself highly regardless of what life circumstances may present, and despite what other people may think. A classy woman does not judge herself regardless of what mistakes she might make and knows that aiming for perfection is really failure because it is just a way to beat yourself up inside. Moreover, because of these attributes, a classy woman can handle all social situations and conversation with confidence.
That being said, here are the 7 Keys to becoming a classy woman.
1) You should start by being a high quality woman and projecting (marketing) yourself as such.
What is classy is special. Classy is something you don’t get on your average street corner. However, the reason high class women are so rare is because most women give trash. The reason they give trash is because they think trash (about themselves and others), talk trash, and habitually focus on trash.
You cannot be high class if you don’t THINK you are high class. You have to start by believing you are top stuff. (If you’re wondering how to do that, please see the next dot-point). It’s your job to market what you have, and to market yourself, you have to believe you are It.
If you don’t think marketing yourself is important, then I must tell you that you could be the best woman around – loyal, sweet, dynamic – and people wouldn’t have a clue. Marketing yourself doesn’t mean to yell and shout about yourself (far from it). Marketing yourself – is all about holding yourself highly, and acting so (impeccable self-respect, NOT carelessness). There’s a difference. For example, the difference between making a mistake and “not giving a ****” and making a mistake, acknowledging it, and proceeding to move on and do better. The former is about the woman having little regard for herself, and the latter is all about her valuing herself and others.
A high quality woman is a woman of value and a woman of value is one who values the happiness of others, and who is considerate. People will rarely perceive real value in you unless you give THEM something. Think of what a typical low value and low quality woman looks and acts like. Usually, this kind of woman is so significance-driven that she is habitually unable to listen, to care for or to help others. Typically, this kind of woman makes you cringe because she gives the female gender a bad name. She may even frustrate you with anger because you simply can’t get a word in and let’s face it, it’s HARD being around someone who doesn’t care about you at all.
A woman of low value has such a low sense of self-worth that it’s impossible for her to perceive what life is like from another angle. She’s too in to herself! It’s very much a case of ‘the empty vessel makes the most noise’.
Here is what a high quality woman is NOT: She is not someone who is constantly sucking value from others.
2) Develop rituals that support your sense or self-worth.
As I stated above, a classy woman is a woman with a high sense of self-worth and who also projects herself that way. And high self-worth only comes from knowing you are worthy.
However – you can only truly know, and feel, with certainty that you are worthy when you DO enough, ACCOMPLISH enough, and GIVE enough (to yourself and others) that you have little choice but to give yourself utmost respect. If you think I’m talking about accomplishments in the traditional ‘career’ sense that this world so encourages for women, you’re wrong. This is not a true, lasting accomplishment. I’m talking about emotional fitness: a woman who can hold her own yet give her heart in the face of grave fears.
So – develop rituals: whether that be a daily practice of gratitude, A daily resolve to push a little further on your spiritual path with your spouse or your children, a daily practice of viewing life as a playground rather than a battleground and looking for the evidence to support that belief, a daily ritual of giving love rather than judgments – it’s up to you.
These rituals are a way to make you actually feel great about yourself. Not just empty self-talk. And have you ever been in a group of women and one was crying over a tragedy (being lied to by a man or something) and all the girls are saying “don’t worry honey, you can get anyone you want – he’s just a slag”. Well, this is mostly useless because most women in this situation don’t make any changes – and just then proceed to think trash. You must to think GOLD thoughts to become Gold.
Example: you can use this as a measure of your sense of self-worth and confidence: If you were dropped in the middle of a daunting social situation, say, the red carpet tomorrow in among the most respected, poised and famous leaders, philanthropists, business men and women, actresses, designers, etc – would you be comfortable, and looking forward to the event? Would you believe that you too, have something of value to bring to the occasion?
3) A high class woman rarely loses her cool.
There are, of course, situations in which a woman will feel and seem crazy, needs to raise her voice and get angry and that is fine. You don’t want
However, the point here is not to just not lose your cool, or not to have anger, it’s about having the mindset that allows you to move forward and not damage things with people unnecessarily because of your need to feel better and significant in a moment, in a misunderstanding with someone who means a lot to you, or any other difficult situation.
This is about a confidence in yourself to be able to handle anything that happens. I know this is not easy, because sometimes, we feel very uncertain, vulnerable, lost, unloved, hurt, shocked, and overwhelmed. We all have those moments – but remember, it is what you do about it, most of the time (not some of the time) that counts. (Please see dot point 2 for a strategy on what to do). It really goes back to valuing yourself.
4) Great Posture.
Probably one of the most important attributes a classy woman must have is great posture. I’ve done a video and post on posture (with the help of my Hero, my Man, David). You can see it here: The reason posture is so important is because it affects how others perceive you a lot more than you could imagine. If a woman holds herself highly, she usually has great posture and people are drawn to this. It’s one of the quickest, fastest and best ways to market yourself and to feel better about yourself. As humans, we are all drawn to people or things that seem to be of high value, and to humans who project themselves as high value.
We want the best because it means a better experience, a better quality of life, more safety (at a primal level, mostly in our subconscious).
If a woman walks around with her shoulders slumped, people subconsciously pick up on this energy! I promise you! Even if they don’t consciously know your posture is bad. Go check out the video now. Go! Here it is again:
5) Authenticity, authenticity, AUTHENTICITY.
Contrary to popular belief, being classy and elegant isn’t about “self-control” or holding things in. It’s not about being a stoic.
Always be authentic. You could have just lost a dear family member, your dog could have gotten run over, you could have had a big issue with your best friend, you could be down about losing your job, or just life’s problems, and that is all fine – as long as you are authentic.
A classy woman doesn’t fake happiness. This is false advertising, and false marketing! You can be grieving, or experiencing emotional suffering, and still be classy. All you have to do is acknowledge the pain, perhaps share your feelings with others, but still hold yourself with grace and poise.
To actually be authentic, you must value being authentic more than you value having another kind of ‘identity’. This identity problem consumes a lot of us women. For example, a lot of women are actually feeling hurt at a given time but pretend to be the happy mother, friend or wife, because they don’t want to have the identity of being silly or overly sensitive (in this masculine world, we tend to look down on a woman’s natural and biological gift of emotions – and our ability to feel these emotions for an extended period of time).
Drop the identity thing and go for authenticity. Authenticity rules over anything. More than ever now, people are starting to want what is real. Secretly, deep down (behind the masks that many of us put up) I think we all prefer to be around what is real. In the old days, it was a lot about ‘show’ and keeping ‘face’. Now, things are becoming more transparent. Also, we are sick of living in a fast-paced environment where people are always climbing the corporate ladder, valuing ‘things’ or money, and we want people who are clear rather than obscure.
6) Be True to Yourself
You cannot be classy unless you are true to yourself, so stay true to your feminine core and be OK being a woman. Don’t view having long hair as a drag, put the effort in to looking pretty and beautiful – women are supposed to look and more importantly, be attractive. This is only going to happen when you exude femininity, however.
It’s not about wanting to change what you’ve been given, or being superficial, it’s simply about taking pride in your femininity and your appearance. Many younger as well as middle-aged women simply let themselves go. In other words, they start to value themselves less. They get fat, stop combing or styling their hair nicely (or cut it in to a short style that their husband hates), stop making the time to exercise, eat well or socialize.
Letting your appearance go can sometimes be a tell tale sign that you habitually feel bad about yourself, your life. or that you don’t care about yourself, which negates class.
Aging is not an issue for a classy woman. Age can and often does do wonderful things for a woman – including giving her added class, if she loves herself. Meryl Streep is a prime example.
Hint: Here is what classy is not: it’s not about having money. Look at Paris Hilton! Or perhaps Amy Winehouse. Enough said.
7) Dress modestly where it fits.
Don’t turn up to a classy function with your breasts overflowing. I have noticed that a lot of women use their large breast size as an excuse for not being able to keep them out-of-view. Regardless of breast size, small or large – a woman can choose to put them on show or notDon’t turn up to your father’s 50th in a backless dress with plunging neck-line and a hem that barely passes your hip bone.
At certain times, or on certain occasions (social or private), it’s fine to show leg or cleavage. However, you must have the awareness and self-respect to judge correctly. And for most women, it’s not a matter of stupidity or ignorance of dress code, either. It’s really a matter of: how desperate are you for attention? Even if only subconsciously. How sure are you that you are valuable as a woman without revealing everything? How small do you really feel inside?
If a woman has a nice figure, (nice legs, breasts, bum) – people can actually tell, even if you’re wearing a turtle neck and tracksuit pants! Even if you’re wearing a paper bag! It’s just that it may not be as “eye-catching” because the vie for attention isn’t so obvious.
Make sure there are some nicely tailored dresses and pants in your wardrobe that are form-fitting, well-made and good quality. Even if you can only afford one or two pieces. It’s worth it.
Below is a list of women whose style and mannerisms you could choose to model. The best way to start dressing classy is to choose someone you identify with and see what she wears. Carefully observe the posture on these women!
Here are some possible examples of women with class:
One final note: please remember that as a classy woman, you have the audacity to contribute to, as well as care for, those women who you perceive as less classy. Being classy is not about excluding people.